there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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