You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
