I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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