just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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