apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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