Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
