A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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