some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
