Me too!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
