I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
