i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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