would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Randomize
