Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
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