I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's rum buckets o'clock
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
