i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
