True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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