i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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