I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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