Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
