i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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