god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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