I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
