awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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