i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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