ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
