i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
