hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
