My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
