Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
