You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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