my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
