My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
