I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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