Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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