I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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