I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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