You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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