Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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