I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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