Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
