You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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