cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
