Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
