I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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