Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
