I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dick very happy bro
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
