There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I need moral support for this bender
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
