My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
