Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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