His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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