i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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