This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
