somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
