Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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