apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
